August 7, 2009

the loudest lamentation in pure silence..

a lifetime will never be enough for me to forget you. this is the exact reason why it is so hard for me to find the words to say goodbye.
i remembered i once told God that i will wait for you even if it takes forever.
but i guess i have to break it.
i have so many questions in my mind right now.
yet i left it blank.
i tried to move on tacitly.
it turned out to be the loudest lamentation in pure silence.
something came up..
how can i possibly forget the one that i've been needing so badly?
this is a product of absolute selfishness.
i need to learn how to really let go.
it'll take some time.
but i`ll be patient.
this past few days,
i often choose to pretend i`m happy so i don`t have to explain myself to people who would never even understand.
this is my way of telling you that you don`t have to worry about anything.
that i can sort myself out.
i keep hurting myself so i can finally move on and let go.
do you want to know what is the most excruciating part for me?
i never felt any trace of regrets when you finally said goodbye.
you never think twice.
and now i have this thought that you never loved me in the first place.
my heart is experiencing holocaust.
and i am forcing myself to dissimulate so they will never dare to ask what is wrong..
because everything is wrong.

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